Goodbye.

my heart was getting heavier lately.
luckily it all ended yesterday.

i must say, the past week had been a tiring and tearful one.
it was nothing but home, work and tiongbahru.

saturday was the most tiring one.
work was from 10-4pm,
then home for awhile,
then we rushed to tiong.

because it was probably the last time jieying and i were going to see each other(this year),
i decided to stay over at tiong with her.
it would be the last night i could be with my grandfather also.

so it was mahjong the whole night.
i got bored when dawn was nearing so i stopped and read my storybook.
washed up and played poker cards till ard 9am.
the other family members and guests arrived so we ceased playing for the prayer was about to begin.
had to stand for a really long time.
almost dou-ed.(didn't sleep the last night, remember?)

the tong tong chiang was the most horrible one.
not that i'm in place to critize anything, but i almost went deaf k.
it was literally like ten thousand dinosaurs trampling on buildings.
it made the usually loud lion dance troupe sound like the noise lvl in a library k.
aiyah you get my point. it was really loud lah.
i could even hear the buzzing vibrations in my head.
i thought, for a moment, that i would go deaf.
furthermore, it lasted for no less then 30 minutes.

then....... it was time.

coach to the dunno wad place.
very cold place.
super contary to the furnace.
bai bai summore. then...
it really was the time.

went to the viewing room.
it was only when the coffin was slowly moving towards the furnace
did i let my tears flow freely.
i wanted to cry many a times before this, but i held all those tears back.
because i promised myself that after that last farewell, there would be no more tears.
so i would cry once once and only once.

then the door to the furnace closed, and no more ah gong.
everything was over.

coach to some temple.
prayed summore.
it lasted for a really really really long time.
jy and i want to dou alr....
she kept encouraging us like "3 more hours then can sleep liao."
so we both held on.

coach back to tiong to have lunch,
then drove(by car) to some place again to collect the ashes.
longer procedure.
go to another place put ashes in a tiny square tomb(?)
pray summore.
then...... home.

slept like some pig for about 18 hours.

i think that jieying was my motivation throughout the funeral process.
w/o her i think i dou alr.
for example, i managed to perservere on throught that many prayer sessions, and the tong tong chiang etc etc.
v lucky got her siaz.
we also had a mini discussion on the o lvl papers.
hahahah.
we had a lot to catch up on, i guess.

oh. and i think i closed this blog for awhile coz i didn't want you all to know about this yea.
maybe i thought that i didn't need to be consoled or blah blah.

so yea.
now that everything's over, lets not talk about it.